I Just Don’t Get You!


Looking at relationships and in particular marriage, more often than not, we see two people who love each other very much.

If there’s so much love, why do we have so many unresolved issues? Why is it that a number of us feel frustrated and feel like the other person does not love us as they so claim to do?

Could it be that we don’t understand each other?

A lot of us, especially as women, want to be loved. And we get to be loved. Why then do we just feel a certain disconnect? Why do we feel a void, a huge gaping hole waiting to be filled by our significant other?

For instance I know without a shadow of doubt that my Hubby Dearest [HD] loves me very much. So, why do I sometimes feel like an alien? Why do I feel like I can’t get him to feel me, to understand my thoughts?

Could it be that I am speaking a strange language?

not talking

In my twelve-odd years of marriage, I have come to understand that in a number of the marriages where there are so many issues, a good number of those men actually love their wives, and the same goes for the wives.

What then is the problem?

We hear that women are from Venus, while men are from Mars. Could that be our fundamental problem? Could it be that we are speaking from our hearts expecting the man to hear, see through our hearts, and figure us out? But most times, he’s really making an effort, he just doesn’t know how.


So, how do we resolve this dilemma?

Use Your Words.

Yes, you heard right, you have to use your words.

Let me share this secret with you. Shhhhhh…don’t tell anyone I told you – “Men Don’t Read Minds”.

Are you laughing already?

“…Men Don’t Read Minds…”

No, they don’t. So, what that means is that if you don’t speak out those words, and tell a man in ENGLISH, or whatever language you usually communicate in, a man cannot just understand you.

So, I tell my children, Use Your Words, whining and grumbling won’t get you anywhere.

“…Use Your Words…”

So, Dear Daughter of God, use your words too. Your husband cannot and will not just know what you want automatically if you don’t say it out. In fact, men are not wired like women. A woman can look at a situation, and in two seconds, have a total picture of what is going on. Try putting a man in that situation, and you can spend the next thirty minutes trying to explain what just transpired. Their level of emotional intelligence is not as high as that of women. It’s not their fault, they just don’t know!


So, instead of sulking, slamming doors, grumbling, frowning, and the silent treatment, all over the house, try using your words. Is it the man who didn’t understand when you spoke that will now understand when you aren’t speaking? Save yourself the misery, speak in plain language – the language he will understand. Tell him exactly what you want and how you feel, only then can he know. And even after telling him, you will still need some gentle reminders when he’s not doing as you wish.

He’s just being a Man.

“…Save Yourself the Misery, Tell Him exactly How You feel…”

All The Best As You Use Your Words,

Oluseye Ashiru

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9 thoughts on “I Just Don’t Get You!

      1. I’m not sure if this applies to every man, but I do know that most of the time we are playing things by ear so to speak because we honestly have no clue as to what is going on. Our motto is ‘Brevity is key!’ and we try to apply that to all of life’s situations. But life isn’t really that simple. We don’t get that a woman wants her feelings to be heard and understood…until that one day comes wherein the roles have reversed and something has shifted us into that foreign land of needing to share our feelings, but lacking the knowledge and experience on which to draw upon in order to do so (at least most men).

          1. It is also worth noting that most men do not like to ask for directions when they are lost. In parallel to the topic of discussion…it is the same way as it relates to love and relationships. Sometimes we are lost, but do not want to ask for directions because “We’re the man and we’re supposed to know how to navigate successfully through unknown parts…” Not true at all!!! We need help just like women do…we’re just too proud to admit it because society will nearly assassinate the character and manhood of the man who does…it’s all about keeping up appearances.

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